Robin, July 16th 1969 Day 366

In the early 60`s a young family with five children enjoyed the simplicity of their lives; the hard working father and stay-at-home mother did their best raising their offspring, 3 boys and 2 girls. Their loving family environment more that made up for their modest existence; their needs were always met.  It wasn’t until later in life that I realized one thing was missing in our family; we did not have God in our lives! Oh yea, occasionally neighbors took us to church but God was rarely mentioned at home. I just didn’t know much about him or how much he loved me or the true reason for his son’s existence.

Life was a much safer and a slower pace than today; we never ever locked our house or cars. As children we were safe to play outside for hours, you never heard of abductions. Kids didn’t bully one another, or take deadly weapons to school. School days began with the pledge of Allegiance to the flag and the Lord’s Prayer.

After a nightly home cooked dinner, our family would gather around the one and only television and watched family shows together. Sunday night was always the best, Walt Disney, Davey Crocket and the Ed Sullivan Show Variety Show. In 1963 when President Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, I remember the terror and fear when they made the announcement at school. For days to follow, as a family, we watched the live funeral of our youngest president.

In 1964 we all gathered around the TV and watched the first United States` appearance of the Beatles. Music changed forever from that very moment; the beginning of Beatle Mania “I Want To Hold Your Hand,” I fell in love with their drummer, Ringo! What an exciting time to be a teenage!

The only time that we played inside was because of inclement weather, if the sun was shining, summer or winter we were outside from morning till dusk. Living by a huge pond provided hours and hours of exploring and excitement. Swimming, fishing, row boating, ice skating and sledding occupied hours and hours. Not to mention baseball, riding bikes, hiding seek, and just playing together; with a family of five children it was always easy to occupy our time. Remember, there were no computers or video games!

My brother, Robin was the family trickster, he loved to irritate and play jokes on everyone. I remember one time when he wrapped a dead snake around the steering wheel of my brother Ernie’s new shiny red Ford. Robin hid, so that he could witness Ernie’s terror when he discovered his slimy passenger, Ernie hated snakes. Robin ran with joy and ornery delight as his big brother tired in vain to catch him.

After I got my license, my mom bought me a $200 car, imagine that a reliable, good running car for $200. Now we didn’t have to ride bus. Nearly every morning I found myself impatiently waiting on Robin. One morning, apparently after someone had driven my car, I found the bench seat too far away, for me to safely reach the gas pedal.

The trouble with a bench seat was that it required cooperation and team work from the passenger and driver to move it forward. As usual Robin was making us late; I pleaded with him to help me move the seat forward, however he had a different plan. In his normal annoy my sister mindset and devilish attitude, he offered no assistance. As I struggled to adjust the seat, Robin laughed and stretched his feet out straight making my task impossible. After what seemed like an eternity, realizing he had successfully driven me insane, he helped me adjust the seat.

On evening when my boyfriend arrived to pick me up for our date, he was drenched by a bucket of water that Robin and my youngest brother Danny had rigged up from the upstairs window. You never knew what prank Robin would think of next!

Aside from his ornery tormenting personality Robin was a very loving compassionate hardworking brother. Robin loved tinkering with his mini bike and had an amazing coin collection. He also loved rabbit hunting with my dad, he a pretty good shot with his 410 rifle. He was also a good shot with his BB gun; I recalled being accidentally shot in the back of head. I remember one time while hunting with my dad, I had successfully walked on the top rail of a fence, and I dared Robin to do the same. Of course, he accepted my challenge; however he wasn’t as agile as his older sister. I got scolded later that evening, when my mom had to take Robin to the doctor to close the gapping hole in the back of his head that required 9 stitches! I felt really bad!

Robin just loved teasing and annoying his brother and sisters, but we all loved one another and would have done anything to protect one another from any danger or harm. One weekend Robin and I joined friends to attend a local carnival. Seven of us piled in their car like sardines (remember no seat belts) to hang-out and enjoy the evening. As we started home and crossed route 40, a drunk driver ran the light slamming into the side of our vehicle, flipping us over. The last thing that I remember were the bright lights heading right for us, realizing that the car was not going to stop. Hours later I woke up in the hospital emergency room with cuts and broken bones that required a 3 week stay in the hospital. Six out of seven of us were treated for cut and bruises. Thank God, no one was critically injured.

My brother Robin was thrown from the car and was the only one to escape unharmed; I was later told that they had to forcefully hold him back, because he was going to get his sister out of that car!

On July fourth, 1969 our entire family enjoyed a huge fireworks display that was put on by the duPont family. They invited families and friends from the nearby community to share in their festive celebration and incredible firework display. This was the largest real life fireworks display that we had ever seen! Robin was so excited; he said that he couldn’t wait for next year!

Even though Robin was very intelligent he was never fond of school, he just didn’t apply himself. The last time that I saw Robin, he was sitting straight and tall in the window seat of the school bus, returning from summer school. I recall looking up, spotting him, then said out loud, “there goes my brother.” Little did I know what would happen only hours later!

Early evening on July 16th, we got one of those phone calls that you never expect to receive. Robin was working on the same farm where just 12 days ago we had celebrated  our best ever, 4th of July; he was baling hay and riding on the fender of a gigantic farm tractor. We were only told that there was an accident; we were instructed to meet the ambulance at the hospital. Remember, there was no cell phones, this accident happened in the middle of a field probably a half a mile from the nearest phone.

Frantically, we followed instructions and started the half an hour drive to the hospital. I recalled, for probably for the first time in my life I cried out to God, begging him for my brother to be alright. When we arrived at the hospital, the ambulance had not yet arrived, adding more fear and questions, how bad was this accident?

Moments later the ambulance arrived, as I stood in shock in the hallway, my brothers pale lifeless body was wheeled right past me! This moment changed my life and the lives of my entire family forever. Robin pasted away about 10 minutes before the ambulance arrived at the hospital. He died of massive internal injuries caused when the huge tractor  rolled over his 15 year old body; Robin was way too young to die!

The shock and the grief were overwhelming; by the time we arrived home, family and friends met us there. They showered us with God’s love and amazing grace, how did they find out so fast? The next few weeks were like a terrible nightmare, how could such a terrible tragic accident happen to our family? How did my mother and father have the strength to bury their son?

So many unanswered questions: Is Robin in heaven with Jesus? When I called out to God, did he send angels to comfort and care for Robin? Did angels escort him to heaven? During his funeral service when my sister Joyce asked, Robin if you understand why we are here and what’s going on, please let me know. Suddenly, the church window slammed shut, scaring everyone making them nearly jump out of their seats. Did Robin acknowledge her questions by persuading an angel to cause this loud unnerving interruption? It’s comforting to believe, that Robin was watching from heaven, rolling in laughter with his ornery grin from ear to ear! When I spotted Robin, as the school  bus whizzed down 213 earlier that day, was it a gift from God? I can still see him sitting up so straight and tall!

On July 20 1969, hours after Robin’s funeral our family once again gathered in front of our TV, this time we watched history being made, as the first man walked on the moon….. I wonder if Robin had a front row seat. “One giant step for mankind,” and “one very sad day for the remaining Frazer family.”

42 years later I’m still facing unanswered questions, why now is God bringing this memory to life and requiring me for the first time to write and share this entire family tragic story? Why did Jodi reluctantly select a story that brought this memory to life? Why did hearing that story bring me to tears after so many years? Will the pain every go away? Is there still healing that God knows that I need? Someday will Robin welcome me at heaven`s gate?

Does this have something to do with my purpose at Generation Station? Do I see my brother Robin in the eyes and faces of every child there? Especially R J, Kyle and Quron? Do all of the children there realize how very precious life is and how quickly it can change? Do they truly love their siblings, family and friends and let them know? But most importantly, do they know how much God loves them? Do they know that Jesus suffered and died on the cross for everyone of them?  Father God, please use me for your glory!

Father God, I pray for the safety and protection for every child that attends Generation Station, I pray that they receive the gifts of your grace and mercy! I pray that they know and receive, Jesus Christ as their savior. I also pray that someday, I will greet each and every one of them at Heaven’s Gate and that I can personally introduce them to my brother, Robin.  Father God, no hurry on this prayer, please let it be in your time!

Father God, thank you for calling my attention to the unforgiveness that I still held onto for Larry, the tractor driver; who also invited Robin to work that evening. Until writing this, I never thought about how difficult this terrible accident must have been on him. Thank you for opening my eyes and heart to the necessary forgiveness. Father God, please forgive me; in the release of this unforgiveness,  please allow me to move closer to you!  Thank you, for requiring me to write and share the tragic family story. I love you so much, thank you for knowing me so well! Amen,  Linda

"LOVE" Day 365

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Love, that four letter word, twice this week I heard the Greek words and their definitions of love.  Hum, twice in just a matter of days, perhaps this is a topic that God wants me to write about!   Here goes.

Pastor Jack came to Generation Station to share a love lesson with the kids; actually he and his wife Jodi, tagged teamed the assignment  Early in the week Jodi read a story about love and Jack used it to bring meaning to the defination.  Great team those two, a pastor and wife who have a passion and love for the children at Generation Station!

Jack presented three Greek words for love; first Eros-- it describes all emotional love: the feeling of love.  Eros love is that insatiable desire to be near the target of this love.  You got it, the Cupid kind of love!  The exciting, passionate, nervous feelings that sweep over people in the appropriate circumstances.  The kind of love that says "I love how you make me feel."  However, as an emotion, Eros changes, sometime suddenly.

Next, Philos-- brotherly or friendship love, describes the love between two people who have common interest and experiences, or a fondness for.  Philos steadily grows, like a building being constructed stone by stone.  For this reason, when close friend are separated for a while and reunited, they will often say, "it is like we picked up exactly  where we left off."  2 Samuel 1:26  I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me.  Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women.

Now Agape is the ultimate love.  Agape love is entirely about the lover, and has nothing whatsoever to do with the one loved.  Agape love, in its purest form, required no payment of favor in response.  This is the most common word for God`s love for us, unconditional.....Isaiah 54:10  Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace removed, says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

It was delightful to watch the kids respond to Pastor Jack; they were full of enthusiasm and excitement as they answered  and asked questions.  Perhaps, displaying the need and desire for male and fatherly interaction in their lives.  I pray that they will come to realize how much their heavenly father loves them, maybe I`ll be able to drop a few hints and clues!

Friday evening, as the wedding coordinator at our church, I listened to Pastor Bill, as he officiated the wedding of Amy and Charles.  Once again, I heard the familiar definition of love and three Greek words, Eros, Philos and Agape;  Pastor Bill used them to describe the types of love that these newlyweds would experience.  The reading of E.E Cumming`s poem, I Carry Your Heart With Me, the same poem the groom recited for his bride when he asked for her hand in marriage, led me to believe that this newlywed couple understands and appreciates their love for one another.  I pray for decades and decades of love and happiness for Amy and Charles.

  Really, God twice in 3 days!  Is there some message in this for me?  Saturday morning in a act of Agape love, I took 5 kids from the Generation Station, kayaking.  The beautiful fall morning started in a circle of prayer, as I thanked God for the day, and asked for His blessings!  Immediately, Philos love came into play, as cousins Zakeres and Keyares decided that they would share the two man tandem kayak.  Even though, kayaking together adds a sense of security, it definitly requires cooperation and team work.  Also for me, this required patience, teaching and adequate communication skills , thank you Father God, no doubt a life lesson for my behalf.

Taylor, Courtney and RJ experienced the freedom of a solitary kayaking journey and left us behind.   Tom, the owner of the kayaks, and I soon agreed that tandem kayaking was perhaps a little too difficult for the novice kayakers. However they had to work it out, and I was the instructor.  Paddle left, paddle right together, paddle left, paddle right.......great job girls!

Once everyone got the hang of it we were off on an amazing journey; I even got to explain to Courtney an Agape love lesson.  I shared that Mr. Tom and I freely shared our time and his kayaks, so that they could enjoy a kayaking experience.  We merely wanted them to experience the thrill and beauty of God`s creations from a kayak.  Thank you, God for my long-time friend, neighbor and school mate, Tom Bramble.

Courtney also shared that she experienced and felt brotherly love or Philos love during our time of prayer!  Her brother, RJ held her hand tightly and lovingly as I prayed.  She commented that just never happens, "I love my brother so much!"  Thank you, God.  As we returned to the ramp, I required everyone to personally thank, Mr Tom, also to help load and secure the kayaks. More  team work and cooperation; I believe that everyone, including myself and Mr Tom, enjoyed this adventure in kayaking and love lessons, thank you father God.

1 Corinthians 3:6-9  I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow.  So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.  The man who plants and the man who water have one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor.  For we are God`s fellow workers; you are God`s field, God`s building.

Father God, I thank you for my job at Generation Station, I pray that you will continue to allow me into the lives of these children.  Thank you for the lessons that you so graciously called to my attention.  Thank you for your  Agape Love.

Proverb 19:23  The fear of the LORD leads to life:  Then one rest content, untouched by trouble.

For me, fear of the LORD is my personal desire to listen for instruction, corrections and eagerness to please my Heavenly Father, thank you LORD!  AMEN.....

Really, Father God? Day 364

Matthew 5:6  Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.  Just what is the thirst for righteousness?  My handy-dandy reference book lead me to this---definition of righteous man; Psalm 1:13  Blessed is a man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinner or sit in the seat of mocker.  But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night.  He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither.  Whatever he does prospers.

Father, what is it that you are walking me through?  Again this week I struggled with my job at the Generation Station, you would think that a job working at an after school program for middle school children would be a piece of cake.  We start the day with prayer, there is structure, rules for disciple and relaxed atmosphere.  However I struggled with feelings of resentment, boredom and frustration as I impatiently wait for the 4 1/2 hour days to pass.  I found myself asking, really God is this where I need to be?   To make matters worse several friends have asked, what the matter you?  You look really tired, are you OK?   Satan smiles with delight, waiting to seize the moment.

 No!  I`m not OK, I`m have trouble obeying God!  Yes, I have prayed, a lot!  I just don`t like God`s answer!  I`m hearing that He wants me to remain in this job and receive the lessons that He`s trying to teach me!  Perhaps, patience's, and a non-judgemental spirit and  he wants me to do it with the heart of a loving faithful servant.   Alrighty then, Father God you are large and in charge!  I desire to function in your will for my life, therefore with your help and continued prayer, I will be molded and shaped into the righteous joy filled daughter that you created me to be.   I will receive with an attitude of gratitude.   Thanks for listening Father God, I feel better already.

Psalm 116:1-6  I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.  Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.  The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me: I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.  Then I called on the name of the LORD: "O LORD, SAVE ME!"  The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.  The LORD protects the simple hearted; when I was in great need, he saved me.

You know if I had listened to God years ago, I believe that I would have made better choices, however I wouldn`t have the testimony that I share for HIS GLORY!  Thank you for never giving up on me, Father God. AMEN! 

Psalm 139 Day 363

After just 2 full weeks at my new job at Generation Station, I`m questioning God about my purpose for being there?  Or am I just complaining and resisting the humbling lessons that He is walking me through?   Psalm 139:1-4  O LORD, you have searched me and know me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from far away.  You search out my path and my laying down, and are acquainted with all my ways.  Even before a word is on my tongue, O LORD, you know it completely.  Really, Father God you already knew we would  have this conversation; are you merely reminding me that you are large and in charge?   Yes, I know that I have free will, but I have also learned that I don`t always make the best choices without first consulting you!

5-6  You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is so high that I cannot attain it.  Father God, does that mean that my pea-brain can`t even fathom the wonders that you have planned for me?

7-10  Where can I go from your spirit?  Or where can I flee from your presence?  If I ascend to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.  If I take the wings of the morning and settle at the farthest limit of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me fast.  Father God, thank you for never leaving me, I`ve gotten used to having you to love and trust! 

11-12  If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me; and the light around me become night," even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is as bright as the day, for darkness is as light to you.   Father God, as I listened to strongholds and lies the spirit of evil tried to gain ground in my soul, attempting to distract me from the job that you have set before me.  I thank you, for the truth has set me free.  Yes, I was tempted but not held in bondage, I know the joy of your love and understanding and I know to turn to your word, the BIBLE.

13-18  For it was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together  in my mother`s womb.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; that I know very well.  My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depth of the earth.  Your eyes beheld my unformed substance.  How weighty to me are your thoughts, O God!  How vast is the sum of them!  I try to count them--they are more than the sand; I come to the end--I am still with you.  Thank you, Heavenly Father, yes you only create the best and I am made in your image, to bring you glory here on earth.  You know me from the inside out there is nothing  that I can say, think or feel that you don`t already know about me!  Father, as I sit here and write I feel the presence of your love surrounding me,  bringing me great inner peace, thank you.

19-22  O that you would kill the wicked, O God, and that the bloodthirsty would depart from me----those who speak of you maliciously, and lift themselves up against you for evil!  Do I hate those who hate you, O LORD?  And do I not loath those who rise up against you?  I count them my enemies.  Father, have you placed me at Generation Station to let the light of your love shine into the darkness in which your precious children abide.  Have you placed me in their midst as a grandmother figure for your honor and glory?  Are there lessons of good and bad that I need to share?   Will my testimony and great faith in you penetrate their souls?  Father, how will you use me?

23-24  Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts.  See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.  Glorious God, thank you for this time to share my thoughts with you, please continue to correct my faults for your glory, use me up!  Your daughter, Linda!

Father God, thank you for your words, yes I see that they are just as effective today as when they where written. Amen.

Fisher of Men Day 362

Matthew 4:18-19  As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew.  They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen.  "Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men."

 In the early morn, as the sun peeked through the trees in the east, more than 100 fishermen and women prepared to cast off, for the 3rd Cat Fish Tournament on the Bohemia River.   Scotman`s Creek was alive with energy and excitement, as the 8:00AM start time approached. There was an air of secrey as coolers containing bait, which might land the biggest catfish, were loaded onto boats of all sizes.  Of course, there were coolers of beer and some hard stuff, for the captains and crew to enjoy; drinking and fishing seem to go hand in hand, at least in Earleville.  Five  and a half years ago, I would have also celebrated the day with several drinks, Father God, thank you for the gift of sobriety!  I wonder if the fishermen in Jesus` day also tipped a few?

What a beautiful picture perfect fall day, thank you God!  Aside from the delight of this fantastic day, the fisher folks were also competing for big bucks! The $10 entry fee, per person would be divided 8 ways to provide considerable winning pots for the biggest cat fish.   After 6 hours of fishing, the anglers would return to the dock for the official weigh-in.   Not to mention a feast, consuming the fresh catch of the day, and other delicious goodies!

As I enjoyed hustle and bustle of the morning, I prayed silently that God would protect the fishermen and their crafts and allow their safe return.   However, I did find the time to pray with one fisherman personally, Chuckie Matthew.  Not really sure why, we were both in just the right spot at just the right time.  Probably, a God-thing and I obeyed!  As I approached Chuckie, and reached for his hands and offered to pray, he was a little hesitate, to say the least.  "Now you probably just jinked me!"  Unwilling to accept Chuckie`s negative comment, I maintained great faith in God and prayer.

After hours of fishing and several beers, Chuckie`s attitude changed about prayer when he collected $200 for captaining the boat that caught the most catfish!  He was happy to share with others the fact that I had taken care of him, with early morning prayer.  I didn`t pray that Chuckie would win, I just prayed for blessings and safety; I love it when God shows off her His glory.  Did I just receive one of my favorite God-winks?

Later in the day, Chuckie shared that he really believes in prayer, but God never seems to answer!   With the seeds that where planted today, perhaps it will open the window of opportunity for Chuckie  and I to continue this conversation.  Father God, I pray for my friend Chuckie and his family, especially his son; and I pray that you will open Chuckie`s heart and soul to truly receive the gifts of your mercy and grace.  John 1:16  From the fullness of His grace we have all received one blessing after another.

For the next cat fishing tournament I`m thinking of setting up a prayer station!  Any takers????  My hubby, Rick is in the blue tee shirt and Chuckie in right behind him, in the chamo jacket!  Amen.

Fantastic Weekend! Day 361

Proverbs 10:5  He who gathers crops in summer is a wise son, but he who sleep during the harvest is a disgraceful son.

I just love the fall, it has forever been for me a time of great energy and restoration.  The cool crisp mornings invigorating my sluggish soul, demanding a fresh start.  As Christians we walk the walk of renewal and restoration until the day we die, trusting God to direct our steps.  Hebrew 11:8  By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.

This weekend was just such a weekend for Rick and I; both of us stepped out in faith and followed God`s lead.  I attended a 2 day seminar training for advanced Sozo training, in a tiny town in the middle of no-where, Greenwood De.  For 2, 8 hour sessions with great enthusiasm and desire to be obedient, I listened, took notes, asked questions and enjoyed what I learned.  When, where and how will God have me use this training, not really sure!  But when it`s time for the harvest, I`m ready, bring it on Father God!  2 Corinthians 5:7  We live by faith, not by sight. 

Rick also stepped out of his comfort zone this weekend, by accepting an invitation to attend the Walk to Emmaus.  Thursday evening I dropped him off at Camp Pecometh, for a 72 hour retreat.  As he left behind his cell phone and walked through the door, he had no clue what God had in store for his journey.  There is an air of secrecy about the weekend; there are certain events and happening that mere words can not do justice; the secrets are disclosed as the weekend progresses.  The weekend is an experience of God`s love offered by the body of Christ that serve our LORD.

The majesty of the weekend returned to me a husband that had truly been touched by the hand of Jesus.  He`s different from the inside out.  A soothing peace and tranquility that in our 23 years together I have never witnessed.  He`s different, he got it!  He said, "it`s good stuff, really good stuff, don`t know why I waited so long to go!"  Five years of praying to be exact, but as I am so often reminded, all things are in God`s time, not mine.  He`s in control and I`m not!

 Monday evening, by phone, as Rick encouraged our friend Dave to accept the invitation for the Walk to Emmaus, I gently and lovingly wiped the tear from his face.  It`s good stuff. Dave, you gotta go!

I look forward to serving God with my husband Rick at my side!  Thank you, Father God for the lessons of love, trust and faith that allow us to walk hand in hand for your glory!

Psalm 34:1-3  I will extol the LORD at all times; his praise will always be on my lip.  My soul will boast in the LORD; let the afflicted hear and rejoice.  Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together. 

Let`s go Rick, I love you....Amen