"We have a loving forgiving God," what an incredible gift of Godly wisdom, I received my from ex-brother-in law, Jim Mullen. As Jim and I enjoyed a brother-sister visit in my home, just 9 months before his untimely death, these six little words of Godly wisdom saturated by very being.
Psalm 103:11-12 For as high as the heavens are above the earth so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
Long after divorcing his brother Jay, Jim and I maintained a special loving relationship. I adored Jim`s feminine side and his willingness to share personal struggles and difficulties with me. He was indeed one of my "best friends."
Jim loved being a husband and father, his children Jimmy and Amy, added a sense of peace and joy to his existence. For many years he profoundly enjoyed being, Mister Mom, while his wife Sally worked. Coming from a family of 12 children, Jim longed for the connections of childhood memories of love and compassion. He desperately desired to move from the east coast to the west to be closer to his mom, dad and family.
However, that would never happen, not only did Jim and I share the exact same birthday, we both struggled with the addiction to alcohol. For many years, Jim stuffed his pain deep inside, self-medicating his emptiness with alcohol. Fortunately, unlike me Jim did have a deeply rooted foundation of faith in God, that he graciously shared.
Jim was very active in his church and the lives of its youth. I recall a conversation with a co-worker, Earl at Jim`s funeral," he taught me to pray." What an incredible life-changing gift.
Colossians 4:2-4 Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too. that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should.
At Jim`s funeral the priest said something, that I have revisited many times, in the past five years. "Jim had a burden that was just too heavy for him to bare"!
I have questioned, how could a man of incredible faith and love, could be reduced, to a being with no HOPE or DESIRE to live? In my opinion, I believe that after returning home from his beloved mother`s funeral, Jim`s heart was broken beyond repair. Feeling hopelessly defeated, he surrender his will to live to his alcohol addiction.
In spite of all that family members and I personally tried to do, we could not break that death grip of darkness, hopeless and fear that consumed Jim. Even after a near death experience in February, Jim left the hospital, continuing to drink. I tried everything to break through Jim`s self erected wall of death and despair, fueled by alcohol. I felt helpless, anger, pain and sorrow, how could this happen right in front of my eyes?
Jim as laid rest from this earthly life just one short year after his mother`s death. Leaving behind, a wife, 2 children, family and friends to pick-up the pieces and question, WHY!
Jim, happy birthday, I miss you so, it`s taken five years of questions and self-examination; visiting with Julie and watching the video of your mom`s funeral, witnessing first hand your pain, now I finally understand, WHY!
See you when I am called home.
2 Peter 2:19 They promised them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity--for a man is a slave to whatever has master him......
My 5 year celebration of sobriety on February 20th is a gift of life and freedom from my dear brother and friend, Jim Mullen. Thank you, God! I am free of that burden that took you away from us!
Colossians 1:13-14 For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption for the forgiveness of sins. AMEN!
If you or someone you loves struggles with addiction, I urge you to reach for the HEALING HAND OF GOD! After attending only 2 AA meeting in support of Jim, I clearly hear the message "The truth will set you free," I am sober by the "GRACE OF GOD". AMEN!
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